• Barbara Roy

There is No Done, There's Only Different

Updated: Jan 10

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If you've ever watched a reality show, you've probably heard someone emphatically proclaim they are "done". Done is pretty final so, in many cases, they really mean something else--"I don't want to deal with this," "I'm overwhelmed," "I'm angry with you."

Growing up, whenever I'd experience frustrating events, I'd wonder when the figurative merry-go-round was going to stop so I could get off. As an adult, I learned that wish was pointless since, as we know, it doesn't stop.

I can tell you that my personality type (and maybe star sign - I'm a Gemini!) lends itself to resilience so, it takes awhile for me to feel "done". But it can certainly happen. For example, gaining weight from going undiagnosed with hypothyroidism for over a year, and not knowing why I felt so incredibly sick was frustrating. It took several more years to sort out health and support.

Trying to be more physical taught me I had limitations when I learned I had very little cartilage in my knees, and also turned my ankle, falling several times while walking, creating an obstacle to my health and fitness goals. In spite of this, once I finally got fit, I got pregnant! Every mother who's given birth knows what follows that is a committed regimen to "get the body back". Being resilient, I dutifully (and mostly without complaint) did all of these things.

While looking at schools for my son to begin Kindergarten, I unknowingly stepped off an unmarked curb in the dark, and twisted up the ankle and knee BADLY. I was told surgery wasn't generally performed for such injuries and, though I had significant scar tissue, I should try to "live with it." I did that... until I nearly fell down the stairs backwards.

I went back to the doctor, asking for physical therapy. I took all 5 of the sessions my health insurance would pay for, and felt some better. But I still wasn't going to be able to live my life like this, and you can't explain that to someone who isn't experiencing it themselves. I decided to hire a personal trainer and go into the gym twice a week. It took months, but the trainer "got me back".

There's actually more to my physical journey that has/is testing my resilience right now, but the greater point is, we all have these stories. Some have experienced tragedies, abuse, or other derailing events in life that make it hard to even want to "bounce back", and most of us have visited feeling "done" at some point or other in our lives.

No matter what we're faced with, we have a responsibility to show up for ourselves as much as for anyone else. I can't say that different is always easy, but it's really the only alternative to "done".

Whatever obstacle you carry around right now, or the sticking point that you don't address but you know is "there", I encourage you to think about doing something different with it today. It could be another way of looking at it--like using it for something positive for others; it could be pushing yourself a bit out of your comfort zone, or brainstorming a solution, or talking to someone. Use this free guide, Show Up for Yourself, to help motivate action now.